


The Echo of Your Voice

by Alessariel



Series: Apostasy [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dragon Age Fusion, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, Comfort in the sequel, Fluff, Hurt No Comfort, I swear this will end happily eventually, M/M, Mage!Cas, Magic, Romance, Switch Castiel, Switch Dean Winchester, Switching, Templar!Dean, Top Castiel, Top Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-10 12:13:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15291294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alessariel/pseuds/Alessariel
Summary: You don't have to be familiar with Dragon Age to enjoy this story. The story is already written entirely and a sequel is in the works!After the Fifth Blight many things changed around Ferelden, but romantic relationships between Templars and Mages are still considered dangerous, forbidden things. When Knight Commander Amara discovered his affair with a Mage, Dean was reassigned to a distant garrison for a year as punishment. But now he’s back at the Circle where Castiel lives, and Dean has vowed to find a way to be with Cas. If only Dean could find his elusive lover ...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A few notes:
> 
> This story is written in its entirety, and its sequel is almost finished as well. I will post both stories back to back, one chapter every other day, depending on feedback maybe even faster (yes, I CAN be bribed). The first story will also feature artwork by the amazing Sunlighthuntress.
> 
> Even if you are not familiar with the Dragon Age universe, you should still be able to follow the story with no problems. All relevant terms will be explained at some point in the story, so if something does not make sense at first, don’t panic.
> 
> This story owes its life to a great many people. It would never have seen the light of day without their amazing encouragement and help.
> 
> The idea was born from a conversation Ltleflrt and Bendingsignpost had on tumblr that I butted in on. The wonderful Sunlighthuntress then decided to make art based on that conversation (you will see this art in later chapters), and that inspired me to actually write this story down, which is a miracle in itself, since I haven’t really written anything other than a drabble in more than three years.
> 
> I must thank the entire ProfoundBond discord server for being incredibly encouraging. Special thanks go to LanaSerra, who was a wonderful Alpha Reader and helped me bounce back and forth Dragon Age related ideas, and also did a beta read. Darmys checked for understandability for readers not familiar with the Dragon Age universe and Adaille went above and beyond with a very through beta and literally hundreds of encouraging comments. It was such a joy to work with all of them. I cannot thank them enough. Special thanks go to phoenike, for always being there, and for being a very good friend.

I have heard the sound,  
A song in the stillness,  
The echo of Your voice,  
Calling creation to wake from its slumber.

Chant of Light - Canticle of Trials 1

 

“Welcome home, Ser Dean.”

Knight Commander Amara’s smile never failed to make Dean feel a little uneasy. There was darkness and sharp teeth hiding behind those pretty red lips, a hunger that had always reminded the young Templar of the darkspawn and the Blight. The Knight Commander had made her interest in his career – among other things – very clear from the beginning. Dean had always tried to keep her at arm’s reach and she’d seemed gracious about it - until she hadn’t.

“It’s good to be back,” Dean answered politely, hands clasped behind his back in the Templar’s parade rest stance. He did his best not to shift nervously under his Knight Commander’s watchful gaze, tried not to show how he planned to defy her orders the very first chance he got. He’d have to be supremely careful, but the thought of not seeing Cas, now that he was so close again, was simply anathema to him.

Dean knew he’d gotten off lightly. After their clandestine affair had been discovered, he’d been sent away to guard a Circle in the Free Marches for a year as punishment. Twelve miserable months away from everything and everyone Dean loved, with a strictly enforced ban on any kind of communication from his garrison and the Circle it guarded. It had been the second worst time in his life, only eclipsed by the Fifth Blight. As a fresh recruit, Dean had been too young to fight back then, but he remembered the fear and the panic and the stench of blood. Luckily, the Circle his garrison was assigned to had been far from the main action. That seemed like a lifetime ago now, but the pain of being cut off from his home and friends for the last year was still fresh.

“This was for your own benefit, Dean. I only have your best interests at heart,” the Knight Commander said, her words kind - too kind, and her smile too sharp. The combination left Dean with a feeling of unease.

Amara had surprisingly allowed Dean to write letters to Sam, too, who was serving with the Seekers of Truth in Therinfal Redoubt Fortress. Sam’s last letters had ranged from gloating about having the Lady Seeker’s special favour - what was it with Winchesters attracting the attention of powerful women anyways? - to his usual thinly veiled dangerous rants about Circles being little better than Mage prisons, to his worries about some experimental new lyrium potion. But today, something more important was occupying Dean’s mind. He was home, finally home.

Finally, he’d see Cas again.

Now he just had to not fuck up in front of the Knight Commander. He must not give away any of his true feelings and intentions.

“I trust that you have learned your lesson, Dean?” Amara said lightly, the steel in her voice deceptively hidden by the melodious timbre. Dean knew that there was only one acceptable answer to this question.

“Of course, Knight Commander. I understand my duty now. Thank you for giving me a chance to atone for my mistakes.” Dean thought he’d pulled it off without his voice wavering even once, sincerity dripping from every word. The Knight Commander seemed pleased, at least.

“Very good. You may go. Tomorrow, you will resume your usual duties. Tonight, you may reconvene with your friends.” Dean kept himself from frowning. That was ... unusually lenient. Almost too lenient. Amara wasn’t known to be forgiving, and Dean had always wondered at how lightly he’d gotten away, especially in light of his thwarting her advances. He’d chalked it up to the high esteem in which the Knight Commander had always seemed to hold him, even though he’d never tried to especially impress her.

“Thank you, ser”, he said politely, then waited until the Knight Commander visibly dismissed him. He felt like he could only really start breathing again once he’d closed the door to her office. As uncomfortable as Amara’s presence always left Dean, this had gone better than he’d feared. Dean shuddered, then pulled himself together again. His friends could wait. There were more pressing matters to attend to now.

He had to find Cas.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean began his search for Cas down in the kitchens. It was as good a place as any to start. He felt quite hungry after his long travels, so much so that he’d only briefly stopped to drop off his saddlebags in his room and remove his cloak before commencing his quest. 

Of course, procuring food from the kitchen was in itself a daunting task. But Dean was an expert in raiding the kitchens unseen. While he munched on some bread and cheese Dean had to smile as he recalled the occasion that had led to him first meeting Cas, right here. 

_The young Mages fresh from their Harrowing swore the Circle’s vast kitchens with the red flickering light of many fires and the resulting smoke reminded them of the more nightmarish parts of the Fade. And head cook Alastair certainly seemed like a demon of wrath when he descended on those poor souls unfortunate enough to be caught trying to pinch a bite. Dean, always hungry from a childhood spent travelling the wilds with his little brother and their hunter father, had a reputation as an unrepentant scrounger among the kitchen staff. Alastair himself had sworn that the next time he caught Dean in his kitchens, he’d strap him to the meat rack and carve every ounce of steak he’d stolen over the years from his ribs._

_So when Dean had snuck into the kitchen and gotten trapped behind a barrel of ale, he’d thought he was surely done for. Alastair was on the prowl, looming in the smoky shadows, the wicked butcher knife he always wielded glinting in his hand. Only moments until Dean would be discovered now. Alastair’s glinting eyes swivelled across his poorly hidden cranny and Dean’s heart was beating fast. He was wondering if he should sprint for the door and make a run for it, when a mighty ruckus erupted at the other end of the kitchen. Alistair whirled around to confront the noise-maker, moments before his path would have taken him straight past Dean's little niche._

_“Oh dear, I seem to have dropped the First Enchanter’s breakfast. Oh, what a klutz I am,” a gravelly voice deadpanned and Dean risked a peek around the corner. Next to the table kneeled a young Mage in green robes, calmly picking up the debris from a silver tray that had been filled with food. The Mage raised his head and Dean’s breathe caught in his throat as the bluest eyes he’d ever seen briefly met his._

_“What have you done, you imbecile?” Alastair stormed towards the miscreant Mage. But the guy kept his calm - no small feat in the face of the furious head cook gesticulating with his butcher knife. Then the Mage made a tiny but unmistakable shooing motion at Dean. Dean’s eyes widened. Had ... had the guy done that on purpose? How did he even know where Dean was hiding before Dean caught his eye? Why would he help? Yet, Dean wasn’t about to question his luck. Unlike with Templars, the head cook wasn't allowed to discipline the Mages without the First Enchanter's consent, and Naomi hated being disturbed for matters she deemed beneath her dignity. That didn't prevent Alastair from giving the young Mage a vicious tongue-lashing, and Dean suffered a moment of guilt over it as he fled the kitchens._

That had been the first time Dean really noticed Castiel. He knew he’d surely seen the young Mage around before, but after that incident he really started to look for that messy hair and those green robes that always looked a little creased, as if Cas had just rolled out of bed. 

After he finished his meal, Dean scoured the kitchen for those telltale green robes, but there was not a single sign of them. 

 

The library was next on Dean’s list. Cas spent most of his time here, researching and honing his powers. And boy, did he have power. The first time Dean had come across Cas in the training rooms adjacent to the library and seen Cas effortlessly summon lightning from the heavens, channeling it through the tips of his fingers, he’d been unsure whether the weird feeling in his gut was fear or arousal. 

The library was where he’d talked with Cas for the first time, too. That had been a disaster. Dean had tried to say thank you for the impromptu rescue, while Cas had just squinted at him and seemed completely clueless until Dean began to question his own sanity. But curiosity had won out and he’d prevailed. The next time he’d managed the courage to talk to Cas, they’d actually exchanged whole sentences. 

_“Come here often?” hadn’t been the most eloquent line to use, Dean was ashamed to admit. But it had gotten Castiel to turn around and frown at him, those stormy blue eyes focusing on Dean as if he was the single most annoying feature in the room._

_“You know, not for nothing, but the last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid,” Dean blurted out, only to receive a death glare._

_“You know, the last person who spoke to me like that is now a frog,” Cas said with that voice that had haunted Dean’s dreams ever since the kitchen incident, making Dean blush hotly even in remembrance._

Maker, what a dork he’d been. Still he’d managed to engage Cas in an actual conversation, asking him about his studies and watching in awe as a single question entirely transformed Castiel’s whole face and behaviour. The young Mage was truly passionate about the arcane knowledge he was pursuing. Obviously he was a good fit for a Circle, unlike so many others who struggled with the firm rules and grueling studies. Cas told Dean that when his magic had been discovered and the Templars came to sequester him at the Circle, his parents had given him up easily, knowing he’d be happy studying magic. After all, they’d had his twin brother James, who’d been born without magic, to keep the family business alive.

Cas didn’t struggle with the workload. But he did argue hotly about the fine points of theories that had been canonized hundreds of years past. He was not in the habit of believing everything just because some crusty old Mage had once written it down in a book. He was full of questions, full of curiosity, to the point where his teachers seemed weary every time he approached them with another captious remark. Most of all though he’d never seemed averse to talk about his knowledge with Dean - or anyone else who listened, for that matter. He never treated Dean any less just because he wasn’t a Mage, nor a studied man like Cas. Dean had liked that about Cas from the very first moment. 

Back then, Sam had still been stationed at the Circle, and once Dean introduced the two of them, they’d hit it off like a chantry on fire. Nothing made Dean happier than listening to his brother and Castiel - who was soon becoming their good friend - squabble about miniscule details that Sam really had no business even knowing about. Sam had always held some unpopular opinions about Mage rights and the way Mages were treated by Templars and was deliriously happy to find someone he could really talk with about that. Cas had also encouraged Sam to pursue more than just the regular Templar curriculum and suggested a possible application with the Seekers of Truth. 

Someone politely tapped Dean’s shoulder to get his attention and he realized he’d been staring into space, still blocking the entrance to the library.

“Oh, sorry!” Dean said and turned around, only to be met with the blank stare of a tranquil Mage. Dean’s smile froze and he swallowed, stepping aside. The tranquil politely inclined his head and glided past serenely. Dean felt guilty for not being able to shake off a creepy feeling when near the altered Mages. It was unfair for him to feel that way because naturally the tranquil couldn’t help what they were and how they acted.

Dean knew that occasional use of the Rite of Tranquility was for the good of everyone in the Circle, that most of the tranquil even voluntarily chose being cut off from the Fade so that no demon might ever possess them. They did it to either not have to face the Harrowing or because they feared losing control of their magic. And yet there was something about the resulting complete lack of emotions, agenda and will, their placid acceptance of everything they were ordered to do… it gave Dean the chills.

As a Templar he’d been on guard duty through exactly three Harrowings and remembered every single one. Having to stand by with three other Templars while a young Mage underwent their first voyage into the Fade, coming into their magic in the process but risking possession by one of the malevolent demons dwelling there. The Templars knew their grim duty - if the Mage came back possessed, death was the only option. Dean counted himself lucky that all three Harrowings he’d witnessed had been successful. He couldn’t even imagine what terror the young Mages had to go through in the Fade. Still, tranquility seemed like a harsh alternative.

Dean shook his head to clear it of the distracting dark thoughts and walked further into the library, intend on checking every corner and training room for Cas. There was the desk where Cas had told him how much he’d like to learn some of the Templar skills. Dean, excited to be the teacher and not the student for once, had immediately promised to show him.

_“Meet me here after dinner tonight. There’s two things I know for certain: One, the king and the warden are gay and two, you’re not gonna die a blade virgin, not on my watch!” he’d said excitedly and Cas had inclined his head in that slightly confused way he had, but a corner of his mouth had ticked up._

_“I’ll just wait here then,” he’d said, and true to his word, he’d met Dean later that night and they’d gone to the sparring rooms. Cas had taken to blade fighting like a duck to water, much to Dean’s excitement. While the Mages weren’t exactly forbidden from working out, it wasn’t encouraged either because the circle’s senior enchanters firmly believed that a Mage should only exercise their mind and everything else was undue distraction._

_Many times after that Cas had waited here for Dean. Sometimes he’d been in the company of his fellow Mages, and at first Dean had been reluctant to approach. But Castiel had introduced him to Hannah, Rachel, Hester, Uriel and Balthazar - Uriel and Balthazar were both dicks in Dean’s opinion, though for completely different reasons - and soon Dean was an accepted part of their little circle._

_The one person Castiel spent the most time with was definitely Anna. At first Dean thought that Castiel fancied the pretty red-haired Mage and had been reluctant to approach her. Dean normally had no problems hitting on a beautiful woman. As a Templar he was strongly encouraged to keep his fingers off the Mages, though not all of his comrades heeded that rule to the letter. But whenever he saw Castiel and Anna, heads bend together earnestly, he felt a weird fluttery feeling in his chest._

_“So… you and Anna, huh?” Dean had finally asked, half in jest, after gathering all of his courage for weeks._

_“Me and ... Anna?” Castiel has asked with a frown. “What are you on about, Dean?”_

_“Well, it’s just, you’re spending a lot of time together and I, uh, I just thought that … “ Dean had been mortified to feel himself blush._

_Castiel had looked confused, but then understanding suddenly crossed his face and he smiled.  
“Oh… Oh! No, Maker, there’s nothing going on between Anna and me, Dean. She’s like the big sister I never had. When I came to the tower, I was very young. I missed my twin brother terribly, and Anna took it on herself to guide me and protect me. She’s been a very good friend to me all of these years. I would be lost without her. But she and I have never been involved romantically or sexually.”_

_Dean blushed even deeper upon hearing Castiel speak so bluntly, but secretly he was pleased and didn’t even really know why._


	3. Chapter 3

The library was a bust and the training rooms were next on Dean’s mental list. Cas had liked to spar in the evenings and Dean really hoped he’d kept up the habit after they’d been separated. But the first training room was occupied by a lone Mage going through the motions of summoning a fire elemental, the second and third were empty. The fourth, a little away from the others, was Dean’s last hope in this section of the tower. His heart sped up as he neared it. 

Finding the room as empty as the rest brought back memories in startling clarity. 

_They’d sparred as was their usual habit. Cas was wielding the long wicked twinblade he favoured while Dean used his usual Templar sword and shield. He’d managed to corner Cas by driving him back relentlessly, blow after blow, until Cas was literally against the wall. But instead of panicking the Mage had suddenly smirked and the air grew shimmery around him. Before Dean could recover from his shock, Castiel’s form had become hazy and he’d just kind of slipped away from Dean’s perception. A moment later Dean felt the bite of cold metal against his vulnerable throat, and he knew he had to yield. After lowering both sword and shield he turned around only to face a gloating Castiel who seemed immensely pleased with himself._

_“Cas… that was incredible!” Dean said, dazed. “How the hell did you do that?”_

_The Mage shrugged, a pleased smile tugging at the corners or his mouth._

_“I used my connection to the Fade to cloak myself in the Veil between the worlds and slip behind you unnoticed. I’ve been studying ancient elven lore recently. They talk a lot about something called Dirth'ena Enasalin, the elven art of the arcane warrior. The book I have read detailed the techniques used in great detail and I have been practising them for a while now. I wanted to surprise you.” Cas seemed bashful as he peeked up at Dean from underneath long black eyelashes and Dean felt his heart swell about three sizes._

_“That was amazing. You’re amazing.” he said breathlessly, and Castiel’s eyes lit up at the praise. His expression suddenly turned serious and determined and before Dean knew it Cas was crowding him against the wall, closer than they’d ever been before outside of combat._

_“Cas, personal space! We’ve talked about this!” Dean barely managed to squeak, eyes wide._

_Cas paid him no heed, leaning in further, eyes half hooded._

_“Tell me you don’t want this.” he murmured. “Tell me I have read this wrong, that I am alone in this.”_

_Dean blinked, speechless. Sure, he’d had his fantasies. He’d have to be blind to not notice how attractive Cas was, after all. If he’d thought about the intense young Mage a time or two while pleasuring himself in the bath, well, no one had to know. But Dean also knew how any interaction between the Templars and Mages beyond the necessary was strictly frowned upon. His friendship with Cas was already regarded as suspicious and under scrutiny from his superiors._

_Cas was rebellious by nature, hardly a stickler for the rules, but still Dean had never imagined that what he’d tried to justify as just a small crush could ever be reciprocated. Briefly the danger this posed to both of them flashed through Dean’s mind, but with Cas’ intense blue eyes staring at him there was no room for doubt._

_“You’re not,” Dean murmured, a pang of arousal flashing through his whole body, head to toe, as Cas’ eyes briefly dropped to his lips. “You’re not alone in this. Cas…”_

_But Cas didn’t let him finish the sentence. Their lips met, Castiel’s a little dry and chapped. Softly at first, tentatively, as if Cas was still afraid that this was a mistake and Dean would draw back from him any second now. Dean wouldn’t stand for that. He dropped his shield and weapon, the clatter going unnoticed among their heated stares and shared breath, and twisted his hands in Castiel’s green robes, drawing him close and crushing their lips together. This time, there was no doubt, no fear. The kiss was clumsy and the angle awkward as they learned each other’s mouths, but it was perfect to Dean._

That had been the start of their affair. They’d both known, going in, what odds they were up against. But they were both young, both full of life and so utterly convinced of their invulnerability and the righteousness of their love that no worry or fear could turn them away from each other. Even Sam had given up on being the voice of reason, and trying to stop them soon after he’d discovered what was going on. Dean had both been annoyed and proud of his incredibly perceptive little brother and grateful that Sam swore to keep their secret. Sam had muttered a lot about how the power imbalance between Mages and Templars was wrong anyways and about abolishing the system. He’d soon left for the Seekers of Truth after that, vowing he’d find a way to change the current way of the world. 

Dean sighed, annoyed at how hard it proved to find his elusive lover. He knew Castiel’s schedule by heart. It couldn’t have altered that much in a year? Being a bit of a rebel had not extended to Castiel’s scheduling habits. It had usually been Dean who had to persuade Cas to lay off his duties for a while so they could spend time with each other. 

Surely Cas hadn’t become someone else in a single year. They hadn’t been able to talk, not even by letter, but Dean knew in his heart that Cas would always stay true to who he was, and true to Dean. He knew it in his heart and soul. 

A trickle of fear wormed its way into his mind but he resolutely shook it off. When they had been discovered, Dean had made it very clear that he took full responsibility for everything that had transpired between them. The Mages were the Templar’s wards. Templars were inarguably in a position of power compared to Mages, so if anyone had done wrong here, it had been Dean in abusing that power, that responsibility. 

Surely, with how lightly he’d gotten off, Cas’ punishment would have been even lighter? Dean had tried to protect Cas, hadn’t given up his name even under duress, but the librarian, a despicable sleazy guy named Metatron, must have seen them together at some point. He’d ratted Cas out and that had been the end of that. He had never even been allowed to see Cas before Dean was shipped off to the Free Marches to do penance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter today. Next chapter after this is when the story will begin earning its explicit rating and there will also be artwork featured.  
> I'd really love to get some feedback from you readers. Tell me your thoughts, your hopes, your favourite lines please? I haven't written anything substantial in so long, and I'm sort of on edge about this story. Some encouraging comments would go a long way.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the story starts to earn its explicit rating, just so you know what you're getting into. This chapter also features the first of the art pieces the amazing Sunlighthuntress created for this story. Please give her some love! And please remember: kudos and comments give me life and entice me to write and post faster. The sequel is already at about 25k, and I'm already planning a third part ...

After he’d checked all of Castiel’s usual study and training spots, Dean decided to go for the gardens next. The sun was just going down outside and Dean allowed himself a small moment of wishful thinking. 

He’d find Cas in the garden, tending to the beehives he so cherished or appreciating the flowers. His lover’s face would be gilded by the light of the setting sun, setting those big blue eyes ablaze. Dean would of course spot Cas first, and he’d sneak up and surprise him with a hug from behind. Cas would be stiff, bewildered, but as soon as he realized who it was, he’d melt against Dean, turning in his arms, with that secret smile on his face that was reserved for Dean and Dean alone.

“I’ve been waiting for you, love,” he’d say and smile and Dean would kiss him, kiss that smile off his lips, show Cas just how much he’d missed him by actions rather than words, as had always been his forte. And they’d be happy ever after.

The gardens were empty.

Dean checked the beehives, the gazebo, by the lake, even the small space behind the blooming hedges that had been their secret hiding spot. He stood there wistfully until the sun had gone down entirely, remembering their first time together that had happened right here, by the flowering bushes of Crystal Grace, underneath the shade of the birch tree. 

_ Dean had gotten it into his head that surely Cas would be a bit shy, a bit inexperienced in this, since he lacked grace in social interactions. They had kissing down pat between them by now - it had been Dean’s favourite pastime for the last fortnight. But they had yet to go any further than a bit of fumbling and rubbing against each other. _

_ So, he’d take Cas out to the gardens, show him around, like a real date - since they couldn’t very well leave the tower and go to a tavern together. Then he’d lead Cas to the place behind the bushes that he’d discovered where Dean had hidden a blanket and a basket with food earlier.  _

_ They would eat and kiss some more and Dean would let his hands wander down Castiel’s back and .. well after that, his plans got a little hazy. Dean had plenty of experience with women, of course, but he honestly couldn’t imagine how things with Cas would go, just that naturally Dean would be the instigator in any sexual situations. _

_ Boy, had he been wrong. Honestly, Dean should have suspected that. Cas basically lived to defy expectations. He was a sweet and attentive lover, but a force of nature to be reckoned with in everything he did.  _

_ Cas had endured Dean’s excited fumbling for a few minutes before turning the tables on him and pressing Dean into the soft, sweet smelling grass. Poised above him, Cas had looked like nothing so much as a large predator, beautiful but dangerous, hunger in his eyes as his gaze swept across Dean’s body. _

_ Castiel’s hands had been so sure and firm as he’d taken Dean apart one caress at a time. Kissed his lips, kissed his cheeks, his forehead, his eyes even until Dean felt so cherished and so full to overflowing with emotion that he’d begged Cas to get on with it with tears clinging to his lashes. _

_ And Cas had complied. Stripped Dean bare in every sense of the word, until nothing remained between them, no clothes, no pretenses, no misunderstandings. Dean had been sobbing with need by the time Cas finally got down to touching his straining, purple cock. Cas had stroked the throbbing member once, twice, before stopping. _

  


_ “Dean ... you have to be quiet,” Cas had admonished him gently and when that didn’t help, he’d held a hand above Dean’s mouth and only when Dean gave a curt nod between two shaky sobs did he gently press it down to keep Dean muffled. Somehow that made the whole thing even hotter.  _

_ Dean only managed to calm down when Cas’ other hand travelled from stroking his cock down to playing with his balls and tapping against the taint between them and Dean’s hole. He’d gasped sharply against Cas’ hand at the unfamiliar touch. Of course he’d heard about what men did with each other, he’d even experimented a time or two with a fellow Templar but had never gone the whole way. So when Cas used the scented oil Dean had stashed in the picnic basket with a different purpose in mind, to slip first one, then more fingers inside, Dean had whimpered but not protested. _

_ Cas had casually slipped the fingers that had been silencing Dean into his mouth then, as if this was something he did all the time and Dean had been too aroused and too far gone to question it. Instead he’d sucked hungrily on Cas’ fingers, tasting the honey Cas had put on his bread earlier, and traces of the strawberries they’d fed each other. _

_ Dean’s hips had started moving rhythmically against Cas’ fingers still inside him. He didn’t even notice at first, but what had been uncomfortable now stretched in a new and satisfying way. And it was still not enough, he still craved something, something more.  _

_ “Nnnnnf Caff! Pleafff…” Dean panted against Castiel’s fingers as Cas touched something deep inside that had Dean’s eyes flying open and his hips lifting higher in search of more. Cas chuckled softly. Dean could see how affected Cas was by the display Dean was making. Castiel’s chest was flushed down to his perky nipples and his cock was straining against the blanket where he was occasionally thrusting and rubbing as if to relieve some of the pressure. Dean let his legs fall open wider in blatant invitation and Castiel’s eyes widened as he licked his lips. He used the last of the oil to slick his impressive erection. Cas gently turned him around, whispering “This will be easier for you, beloved,” and then Dean felt something much larger nudge against his stretched opening. He tensed minutely, but Cas just leant forward and kissed and sucked on Dean’s neck until he relaxed. _

_ When Cas breached him, he returned his fingers to Dean’s mouth to suck on and Dean panted and gasped around the digits as Cas made himself a home deep inside of Dean’s body. Thankfully Cas didn’t tease him long. The first thrust had Dean going down on his elbows, ass high in the air for better leverage and the second thrust went deeper still. Dean grunted in shocked arousal against Castiel’s hand, unable to believe how good it felt to have Cas’ firm erection moving inside of him. _

_ He pretty much lost any semblance of coherence after that. Cas methodically took him apart, with long, deep thrusts and more frantic movements later still that had Dean bite into the blanket to keep himself from crying out. It felt so impossibly good that tears were leaking out of Dean’s eyes and much sooner than he wished, he came, helpless to stop the onslaught. Cas fucked him deeply through the shuddering and the twitching, hands holding Dean’s hips firmly until Cas, too, lost his composure. A couple of wild, desperate thrusts had Cas chasing his own release, then Dean felt his lover come deep inside of him. Cas finally collapsed over Dean’s back, but he was still coherent enough to keep himself from crushing Dean who was breathing heavily, a look of utter disbelief on his face.  _

_ “That was … wow,” he’d uttered quite dumbly, unable to think of anything more elegant. Cas chuckled lowly, putting an arm around Dean and drawing him close while his other hand idly teased Dean’s spent cock until he was twitching with overstimulation. _

_ “Did you think I’d just lay back and think of Ferelden, my big bad Templar?” Cas had asked teasingly and Dean had only been able to chuckle helplessly. _

Cas had claimed Dean’s body that day and many more days after, but he’d already claimed Dean’s heart long ago. Inside and out, Dean had known from then on that he would never belong to another the way he belonged to, belonged with Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find Sunlighthuntress at http://www.sunlighthuntress.tumblr.com. Please give her all of the love for her amazing art!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter with explicit content. The sequel has grown it's own mind and is at about 25k now. Please let me know what you liked about this chapter! Kudos and comments make my day!

Dean sighed deeply at the pleasant memories. Remembering those good times was all well and nice, but he’d rather have the real deal. The sun had gone down, and curfew would be enforced soon. Maybe he’d gone about this the wrong way. He should have headed into the garrison first, spoken to his friends. Maybe Bobby could have told him where to find Cas. The old arms master, crippled after a vicious fight against a demon but still spry, had basically raised Dean and Sam after their father had dumped them off at the chantry gates, to be made into Templars. Bobby was also one of the few people who’d known about Dean and Cas. Dean would trust him with his life, and more importantly, with Cas’ life too.

Or he could have gone to Charlie instead. The dwarven redhead was a complete anomaly. She’d shown up at the circle one day, demanding to be taught magic. Everyone knew that dwarves were incapable of channeling magic due to having no connection with the Fade. But Charlie wasn’t interested in spell work - she wanted to develop artifacts and magical weapons and armor, work with lyrium and runes. She’d come with the support of some mysterious powerful benefactor who put in a good word and the Circle had grudgingly accepted her. She worked closely with the tranquil who were the only ones besides dwarves who could safely work raw lyrium. She had become good friends with Cas once Dean had introduced them.

In a pinch Dean might even seek out some of Castiel’s Mage friends. Hopefully they weren’t too cross with him after what had happened. Mages and Templars weren’t encouraged to mingle for a reason, after all. But surely Anna, Hannah, Hester or even that stupid Balthazar would know where Cas was hiding out these days.

Mind made up, Dean headed back inside. He’d find Cas, one way or another. Dean had waited for a year to reunite with his lover, he could wait for a few more hours still. 

On the way to the garrison Dean passed through the lower levels of the Circle. 

He walked by the entrance to the dungeons where the phylacteries with the blood of the Mages were kept. They were meant to help Templars track down any fugitives and apostates, wild magic users outside of the Circles. This level also housed the lyrium labs, where the raw lyrium was refined and worked into different shapes, needed for potions, runes and artifacts. Mages had to be extremely careful here and didn’t usually spend a lot of time near the labs unless they were tranquil, but Dean was hoping to come across Charlie, so he spied into the labs on his way past. Most of them were empty at this hour, but the processes to refine lyrium needed constant watching so there was always someone around.

Passing a particular entrance, Dean suddenly remembered the last time he’d seen Cas, before everything had gone south.

_“Andraste’s tit…!” Dean cursed as he was suddenly drawn into an archway by strong insistent hands. Only the telltale flash of green made him refrain from reacting violently to the surprise attack._

_“You really shouldn’t blaspheme, Dean.”_

_He found himself shoved against a stone wall without any preamble and then Cas’ demanding lips were on his, while Cas’ hands nimbly slipped underneath Dean’s tabard and deftly began undoing the clasps of his armor. Dean shivered, both from sudden arousal and a nervous thrill about the possibility of being discovered. Once they had to part for air, he reluctantly shoved Cas back a bit, though he wanted nothing more than to draw him in further and allow Cas to have his way._

_“Maker’s breath, what are you doing? Someone could come in here any minute! Mmmph!” Cas had leaned in again, insistently kissing Dean. Dean almost forgot his worries and complied when Cas less asked and more demanded entrance to his mouth, then proceeded to plunder it mercilessly. Almost._

_Dean finally had to forcefully separate Cas’ clever hands from his body in order to keep his brain from overloading._

_“Cas, I’m serious! Maker knows I want you just as much, but…”_

_“Don’t worry, Dean. I traded the night shift at the lab with Charlie, so we’ll be uninterrupted for at least a couple of hours. And Uriel promised to keep an eye out and alert me should anyone approach out of schedule. Come, I have a surprise for you.” Cas took Dean’s hand and Dean couldn’t help but smile at the sweet excitement of his lover. Having to keep their affair secret meant a lot of sneaking around after dark and taking any chance to be with each other they could. For Cas to have gone to such lengths was a love confession in its own right._

_Cas smiled softly as he took Dean’s hands and drew him further into the room. That was when Dean finally noticed the setup. Cas had rearranged the furniture and placed the two cots that were kept down here for the Mages supervising the tranquil on night shift next to each other. He’d spread blankets over them and placed a dozen fat white candles with guttering flames on every available surface around the cots. It looked cozy, private and inviting and Dean turned wide eyes towards Cas. Opportunities to be with each other in the comfort of a bed were few and far between for them._

_“This is amazing! Did you do all of this for me? You even, ah, ‘borrowed’ candles from the chapel?” Dean smiled and eagerly walked towards the cots. He sat and drew Cas down with him, then kissed his lover hungrily._

_“Well, it is our anniversary. I’m sure the Maker will understand. After all, even he was moved by Andraste’s love so he must be in favour of those who long to be together.” Cas said when they separated._

_“May the Maker’s bride forgive your sins then. Did you think I’d forgotten about our anniversary?” Dean teased Castiel with a smile. He removed the small pouch from his belt and held it out to Castiel who took it with a smile. He untied the pouch and found the amulet nestled within._

_Castiel’s eyes grew wide as he reverently touched the runes masterfully worked into the amulet. The shape of it was the chantry sunburst, with a Mage pentacle in the middle and it was covered in glowing blue runes._

_“This is masterfully crafted, Dean!” Castiel said, face glowing with joy. Dean smiled, a soft content feeling embracing his heart at the sight of his lover so happy._

_“Charlie made it for me. She’s been experimenting with an elven rune alphabet called Enochian lately. She says she worked both elven and dwarven techniques to make it and that it’s supposed to protect you. See how the sunburst symbolizes the Templars and the pentacle stands for the Mages? It means us, together. Always.”_

_“It’s beautiful.” Cas smiled and slipped the leather cord over his head. The amulet dangled between them and Cas didn’t seem able to stop gazing at it. When he finally did look up it was with a smile so radiant and loving that it took Dean’s breath away._

_Dean wasn't sure who kissed whom after that, or for how long, but he was the one on top when they landed on the cot, making out like teenagers. Cas had managed to work off Dean’s armor already - he had lots of practice, after all - and Dean was busy getting frisky under Cas’ robes._

_Cas moaned as Dean slipped his thigh between Cas’ legs and let him rub against him. Cas’ hips bucked up and he returned to his endeavour to rid Dean of his leathers with renewed vigor. Dean was completely on board with that plan. They awkwardly fumbled each others clothes off, laughing softly during the process, but the touches and the kisses in between each removed article of clothing more than made up for it._

_When they were finally both gloriously naked, Dean wasted no more time and started worshipping Cas’ body with his hands and tongue._

_“How can anyone be so gorgeous,” he growled and left a row of soft bites along those hip bones of Castiel’s that should be illegal in all of Ferelden. Cas hissed sharply and bucked up again with a throaty moan that shot straight to Dean’s groin._

_“Shh, let me take care of you,” Dean said with a smirk and took Cas into his mouth. He loved how he could render normally-so-articulate Cas speechless with just his tongue and the tips of his fingers. By now Dean knew just how to work Cas to the brink of ecstasy, with teasing kitten licks and long strokes of his tongue, before swallowing Cas down to the root. Cas gasped, burying his hands in Dean’s hair and tugging roughly which in turn made Dean moan around him. That was enough to trip Cas over the edge and he spilled hotly down Dean’s eager throat, who worked him until the last drop. Dean drew off Cas’ softening cock with a satisfied popping sound, licking his swollen lips like the cat that got into the cream._

_“Mmmh. I could do this all day,” he said, voice throaty from their recent activity. Cas just panted hard and looked up at Dean like he was Andraste come again._

_“As much as I enjoy the thought, Dean, I would rather you get your magnificent cock into me sometime soon,” Cas finally said and Maker, if that didn’t go to Dean’s groin like lightning._

_Cas was relaxed after his orgasm and it didn’t take long for Dean to find the oil Cas had helpfully stashed next to the cot, coat his fingers and get to work. Dean took his time, kissing Cas in between, small kisses to the side of his temple, his jaw, his neck, and deep, passionate kisses that made him almost forget his mission. By the time Dean was satisfied with his prepwork, Castiel's cock was stirring with interest again, and the helpless little punched out noises Cas sobbed each time Dean's fingers grazed his prostate were making Dean's cock strain and weep._

_Finally Dean couldn’t stall anymore. He slid between Cas’ legs, entranced by the look of Cas so debauched and beautiful beneath him in the candle light. Cas was looking up at Dean with half-lidded glittering eyes. Dean pressed their hands together, then slid inside, Cas’ mouth opening into a perfect ‘O’ of ecstasy. Dean had to go slow or this would be over too soon. Cas’ body gripped him tight, welcomed him home with velvet warmth and slick friction and he had to bite his lip in order to keep from climaxing the second he bottomed out._

_“Dean, ah, ah…” Cas gasped, his hands reflexively tightening in Dean’s grasp, and Dean used the leverage the position afforded him to draw back and push in again._

_Both of them moaned in unison, then Cas surged up and kissed Dean messily as Dean’s hips started pistoning back and forth. They fell into a rhythm as natural as breathing and the waves lapping onto the beach. Back and forth, give and take, perfect thrusts and perfect trust and perfect harmony._

_Dean had to keep kissing Cas to stop him from becoming loud and louder with every thrust. The walls were thick down here but Cas was lost in the throes of passion and Dean burned to hear him freely, yet they could not risk it. So he drank those passionate cries from Cas’ lips like the finest Antivan brandy and just like brandy he felt intoxicated with it. Soon, Dean’s own cries mingled deliciously with Cas’ as they raced together towards beautiful release. Dean pushed Castiel's hands into the cot beneath them, driving his hips down, down, burying deeper and deeper each time, and on the third forceful thrust, he came inside Cas who shuddered and tightened around him as he orgasmed himself, cock spurting all between his and Dean’s chest._

_Afterwards, they lay breathless and sated, basking in each other and the afterglow. Dean finally slipped out of Cas with a groan and used part of the blanket to wipe them clean. He would have loved to just stay here for the night, curled around Cas without a single worry, but they’d already spent a lot of time and he knew it just wasn’t advisable. But Dean was hard pressed to move when Cas looked so perfect in his arms, his dark hair even messier than usual, his lips deliciously red and his cheeks still flushed._

_“That was wonderful,” Cas whispered and pressed a featherlight kiss against Dean’s cheek, nosing his skin lovingly._

_“It was. You’re wonderful, Cas.” Dean turned and kissed his lover once more. Then he sighed and started disentangling himself regretfully, much to Cas’ displeasure who did his best impression of a clingy bear to keep Dean at his side._

_“As much as I wish we could just stay here forever, I’m afraid we really shouldn’t linger too much longer,” he said regretfully. “Come on, up with you, Lazy Daisy. I’ll let you return to your quarters first.” Cas was grumbling and muttering under his breath, but he knew as well as Dean the risk they were taking. Cas really had to get back to the Mage quarters and let Charlie know that she could get back to her scheduled task, while Dean cleaned up the room._

_“Fine. But I get to blow you next time,” Cas said with a pout and a quirked eyebrow. Dean had to laugh at his lover’s eagerness._

_“You won’t hear me complain. Now come on. Here, I’ll help you dress.” He picked the robe up and unceremoniously dumped it over Cas’ head._

_It didn’t take long for Cas to get dressed — it would take much longer for Dean to don his armor. Cas bent down and kissed Dean again, the amulet brushing against Dean’s chest as he did so._

_“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Cas said softly, cradling Dean’s face in his hands. He gazed deeply into Dean’s eyes and caressed his cheeks and they almost got distracted with what might well have turned into a second round if Dean hadn’t seen how short the candles behind Cas had gotten during their activities._

_“Cas, you really gotta leave,” he said with a smile and Cas sighed deeply._

_“I love you,” he said and kissed Dean’s nose._

_“I know, you idiot! Now go!” Dean said, laughing, and Cas finally turned and left, not without a parting sultry look and smile. Dean chuckled and finally got up from the cot, still naked, to start collecting the parts of his armor that were strewn all around the room. He was just bending down to pick up a vambrace when he got a sudden chill and a feeling of unease. Slowly, he straightened and turned around._

_The Knight Commander stood in the doorway. She looked Dean’s exposed body up and down, with something between appreciation and distaste curling her lips. She saw the traces of lovemaking still evident in the bites and marks Cas had given Dean. She looked at the cots and the clothes and the candles and Dean felt cold all over. There was no hiding all of the signs of what had transpired here, so instead, he stood tall and proud and refused to let her intimidate him._

_Amara just smiled grimly._


	6. Chapter 6

Dean rounded a corner and suddenly his heart beat double. There was a familiar figure walking down the corridor, facing away from Dean. The robes were the wrong color, the hair too neatly combed. And yet, he would have known Cas anywhere. Dean couldn’t help but grin. He hurried up his steps, intent on surprising Cas the same way as in his fantasy. 

He couldn’t contain the giddy excitement. Likely no one had told Cas that Dean was back, Dean himself hadn’t known when he would arrive at the tower. Dean would surprise Cas and sweep him off his feet and kiss him, consequences be damned. They’d have to be extremely careful from now on, of course. Dean would never risk Cas’ safety, but the corridor was deserted at this time of night. Just this once, he’d indulge. And then they’d figure something out, Dean knew they would. He’d never leave Cas’ side again.

Cas still hadn’t heard him approaching and Dean shook his head, amused. Apparently Cas had gotten lazy with his training after all, if his reflexes were this dull. Dean reached out and his hand landed heavily on Castiel’s shoulder, intent on turning him around.

“Cas! Thank the Maker! I hope they let you off as easy as they let—”

Cas turned around and Dean’s eyes widened in horror.

“—me? Oh Maker,” he trailed off, unable to understand what he was seeing at first. “No. No, no, no …” 

Cas’ blank gaze never wavered. The sunburst of the chantry tattooed onto his forehead looked stark and crass against his skin. Dean’s horrified eyes swept across it again and again, like it would go away if he just looked hard enough. Surely this had to be a nightmare, a terrible nightmare. 

“Cas,” Dean whispered, not even recognizing his own voice. He didn’t want to understand but deep inside he knew what it meant. How could he not.

They’d made Cas tranquil.

“Maker, this can’t be real. Please let this be some cruel joke.” Dean was sobbing, and still Cas’ face showed no emotion, no recognition. Impulsively, Dean drew Cas into his arms, as if his embrace could shield the man he loved from the atrocity that had been committed against him.

“I’m so sorry, Cas!” Dean gasped. Impulsively he kissed the corner of Cas’ mouth, but he might have kissed a statue of Andraste instead, the sensation would probably have been just as wooden.

“Do you need anything, Ser Dean?” The gravelly voice close to his ear, so well known, sounded alien to Dean without Cas’ usual inflection. Like his lover was a hollow shell. The body in his arms was pliant but unresponsive. Not even stiff as Dean would have expected. As if Cas just didn’t care one way or another whether he was held this way or not and somehow that was even more horrifying than if he’d struggled against Dean’s hold.

“You ... you remember me?” Dean asked, voice breaking. He’d never bothered to spend much time with the tranquil, he didn’t know how they were changed by the rite. Now he wished he’d listened better in his lessons.

“Of course, Ser Dean. I remember everything.” But there was not even a hint of emotion in those words. No sign that Cas felt anything towards Dean – not anger, not hate, and certainly not love. Dean would have preferred for Cas to hate him, honestly.

“Cas, how … what ... what happened?” Dean asked helplessly. He slowly let go of Cas, feeling bad about keeping someone so unresponsive trapped in his arms. Cas took a step back so he could look at Dean but didn’t seem intent on getting away. Castiel’s eyes, once sparkling with life, were now dull and made Dean’s heart break all over again. A tear rolled down his cheek. Cas reached out and caught it, studying it for a moment as if it was an especially interesting artifact.

“I believe you are well aware of the events that occurred, Ser Dean,” he said, his once-beautiful voice blank and empty. Dean shuddered, helplessly. He looked Cas up and down, still hoping against hope that this was just a prank or a nightmare. He noticed at once that Cas wasn’t wearing the amulet anymore.

“Tell me anyway,” he managed to croak.

“Our illicit liaison was discovered and while you were sent away in punishment, Knight Commander Amara persuaded First Enchanter Naomi that I was growing too close to the Templars caring for us. That my transgression had been much greater than yours. That I had…” and he even unironically used finger quotes here, Maker help him, “... tempted you away from your duties likely using blood magic and must be kept from doing it again at all costs. It was decided that I should be made tranquil so I could still be of use to the Circle. I remember that I struggled and fought very hard, though I cannot say why. The process did not hurt. I feel fine now. I am calm and useful.”

Dean stared, speechless. The pain he felt was so acute, so deep, that he would have preferred to die on the spot if only it would end. There he’d been, happily ensconced at his new station, gleeful that he’d gotten off so lightly, and meanwhile Cas had fought so hard — and lost.

“Cas, I swear, I … I didn't know. I would have come, I would have …” Dean lost his composure, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“There is no need to concern yourself, Ser Dean,” Cas said, detached. “Too much heart was always my problem, I was told. I’m well now. I perform my duties at admirable efficiency. I am much improved to how I was before. Now, if there is nothing you need of me, I shall resume my duties. Good day.” And he turned and walked away, just like that, leaving Dean to stare after him in utter heartbreak.

Dean felt unable to move. He kept standing there, looking at Cas’ back until he rounded another corner and was gone. Only then did the odd spell break and Dean crumpled to his knees, like a doll who’s strings had been cut. 

But instead of sadness, Dean felt his chest swell with terrible fury. His hands curled into fists and he slammed them against the cold stone floor. Now he understood why Amara had been so lenient with him. Why she hadn’t even felt the need to remind him to keep away from Cas. Why she’d given him time off this evening, to spend with his ‘friends’. She’d planned for this, she’d done it all on purpose. To get rid of the competition? As retaliation, because Dean had turned her down? Or just because she was a vindictive evil bitch? Dean didn’t know. And First Enchanter Naomi. How could she have agreed to this? It should have been her duty to protect a Mage under her tutelage, instead she’d thrown Cas to the wolves.

This, this was everything that was wrong with the Circle and the Templars. This was what Sam had always ranted about privately, about the power imbalance, the unfairness and “Mages are people too, Dean! Not monsters we need to keep locked away!” Dean had listened and always thought that Sam was just making a big deal out of a system that was there for a good reason, for the protection of the Mages, but now Dean saw the truth. There would always be people who abused their power. There would always be people suffering for it. 

Dean knew that there was no cure for tranquility. No way to reverse it. The Rite of Tranquility was a lifetime sentence. His lover, his beautiful, spirited Cas, with his wit and his curiosity, was gone forever. 

But Dean would never abandon Cas. It didn’t matter that Cas was changed. Dean still loved him with every frantic beat of his heart. He would protect Cas, now that the Mage couldn’t protect himself anymore. And by the Maker, he would do something about this atrocity. He would stop at nothing to get vengeance against those who had done this.

“Cas, I promise you, I will make them pay for this. I’ll make sure nothing like this will ever happen again!” Dean said it aloud, still kneeling in the empty hallway like a knight about to hold vigil. 

Dean would start a rebellion for his beloved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are, at last. I hope you guys don't hate me too much right now. If you do, you can always come scream at me over at my tumblr at http://www.alessariel.tumblr.com.
> 
> The beautiful, stunning art in this chapter was done by the wonderful Sunlighthuntress. Please do give her all the love and visit the art masterpost at http://sunlighthuntress.tumblr.com/post/175308473058/dragon-age-supernatural-au-based-on-this
> 
> The sequel, "A Void in All Things", that will feature the comfort to all of this hurt (lets be honest though, only after more hurt, knowing me) will beginn posting during the next two weeks. Make sure to subscribe to the series, Apostasy, to get notified when it starts.
> 
> Comments, kudos and recs give me life and encourage me to write and write faster, so please let me know all of your thoughts!

**Author's Note:**

> Copyright of the Chant of Light verse at the beginning belongs to Bioware.
> 
> Notes for Dragon Age fans (slight spoiler):
> 
> I borrow liberally from all three games and the story does only roughly follow the timeline and events of the Dragon Age universe. For those of you intimately familiar with the Dragon Age world, the story starts a couple of years after the End of the Fifth Blight, roughly around the time of the events in Kirkwall in Dragon Age 2. It runs through the Mage rebellion and into events from Dragon Age Inquisition, but the Conclave and the Breach never happen (at least not in this fic or it’s sequel).


End file.
